Enjoy!
Title: Love and Memories
Author: The Saint (writing as Knight Templar)
Fandom: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Pairing: Juri/Miki friendship
Rating: PG
Summary: Juri and Miki finally get to know each other a little better on a special night.
Juri Arisugawa sat in her chair, the book in her lap seeming heavier with each passing moment. Also, the rich, sonorous music coming from her record player was doing little to sooth her mind and her carefully constructed mask of indifference was beginning to slip. That would not do at all.
She rose from her seat, setting the heavy hardback down, and walking over to the record player. Perhaps a change of music would ease the mood. Wagner was not exactly the sort of music for a light evening’s reading.
As she walked, her rooms seemed much larger than usual, the normal size of her living room stretched to an unreal state. Her mind was playing tricks on her, she knew that – but it did not help her mood. If anything it simply seemed to heighten her sense of loneliness.
Juri stopped before she reached the player, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She was still in her council uniform, the top few buttons undone for relaxation. Apart from that, though, to the outside eye she seemed every bit the perfectly poised and elegant student council member – as beautiful and icy as ever, as perfectly serene and self confident as everyone thought she was.
However, Juri could see below that, to the simmering feelings of despair that were lying just under the surface. Normally, she had it almost completely under control (or thought she did) but not today. Today was special, and it was making everything so much more raw and exposed.
A few times today she had almost slipped, her perfect mask almost fallen from her face. The students of Ohtori had almost seen the real face of Juri Arisugawa. If she hadn’t been even more on her guard than normal, they would have. Her fencing students must have thought she was in a frightful mood, given the harshness of her teaching today.
Miki had noticed something, too, but he was too polite to say anything. She could see the worry on his face, though. She was relieved that Touga was still sulking in his room. He would almost certainly have known what was wrong, and would have assuredly taken advantage. That was the kind of man he was, and her defenses today were not up to their usual standards.
Pulling her face away from the mirror, she found herself at a loss and began to pace, unsure of what to do next. She could not return to her book – that was providing no distraction at all. Neither was music. Schoolwork was even less effective and there was no chance of anyone being up for a fencing match at this time, not even Miki. It was only seven-thirty, and there was still far too much of the night to go.
The thought of Miki gave her an idea, one that she almost dismissed out of turn. After all, hadn’t the school day been Hell, having to deal with all the students? Hadn’t she wanted to be alone?
Of course, that was not working out so well. Besides, Miki was different. His presence was always calming, and he would almost certainly be by himself tonight as well. Kozue would probably be out debauching herself with some older student, getting ready to torture Miki with that knowledge.
Juri did not like Kozue. She didn’t understand how two twins could be so completely different. She knew that Miki’s relationship with Kozue was very fractious, but he didn’t like to talk about it. She wanted to help him somehow, but didn’t know how. Plus, of course, it was his business and if he didn’t want her to know, she couldn’t pry. Juri walked over to the phone and dialed the number. After a few rings Miki picked up. “Hello?”
“Hello Miki.” Juri smiled. Miki’s soft voice always calmed her. This seemed like a better idea by the minute.
“Juri-Sempai?” Miki sounded confused. “Is there something wrong? Is there some council business that has to be attended to?””
“No,” she lied smoothly. “It’s just…” She paused for a moment. “I’m finding myself at a loose end and with no energy or inclination to cook. I was going to go out for dinner and I was wondering if you wanted to join me.”
There was a brief pause at the other end of the line before Miki replied. “Of course, Juri-Sempai It would be a delight.” There was an air of hesitation in his voice. He was probably wondering just why Juri had invited him. They usually only ate together in school or at council events. However, he was much too much of a gentleman to pry further. Juri was grateful for that, even if her mind told her that it would be good to talk about things with someone.
As always, she ignored that part of her mind. “Good. I’ll see you at….” She idly searched for the name of a restaurant – a small one just outside Ohtori came to mind and she repeated it. “At about eight-thirty?”
“Of course. I’ll see you there.”
“Miki?” Juri caught him before he said his goodbyes. “One more thing – could you…could you not wear your council uniform tonight?”
Another pause. “Of…course. I’ll see you in an hour.”
“Goodbye Miki,” said Juri and hung up the phone. The part about not wearing his uniform had come for nowhere, surprising even herself. It had just slipped out. She probably didn’t want to be reminded of Ohtori at all tonight.
Looking down at her own uniform, she decided it was good idea all around and started to walk to her bedroom, stripping off her uniform as she went.
They both arrived at the restaurant at the same time, exactly one hour later. Miki was completely punctual (of course) and Juri was never one to be late. She’d changed from her council uniform into a simpler ensemble, just a light pair of slacks and a shirt, with a light auburn sweater over it. Nothing too fancy, yet somehow she still managed to effortlessly outshine everyone around her.
Miki smiled in greeting when he saw her. He was dressed casually himself. He was a little surprised at the dinner invitation, but then again, something had been off with Juri all day. Most people hadn’t noticed it, but most people didn’t know Juri as well as he did.
Which wasn’t really that well at all, actually, he thought to himself. He knew Juri from the council of course, and he certainly considered her a friend – possibly even his best friend at Ohtori, but he always felt like he was never quite seeing the true Juri, the one below the surface.
Tonight he felt like he may be getting a taste of it and it was quite different from the Juri he knew. She was trying hard to project her usual mood, but it wasn’t quite working. Underneath she seemed distracted, almost sad. Just before they said their greetings, Juri looked up and before her mask slipped into place, he caught a glimpse of her eyes and there was a horrible, lonely sadness in them – one that quite alarmed Miki. He didn’t want to pry, but he hated to see Juri unhappy.
They sat down and ordered, both of them already having decided what to eat on the way over. Efficiency was in both of their natures.
“And how are you tonight, Miki?” asked Juri, her mask now fully in place.
“Fine, thank you, Juri-sempai,” replied Miki. “I must say, I was a little surprised that you invited me for dinner this evening.”
Juri shrugged in an almost perfect imitation of nonchalance. “No sinister reasons, I assure you,” she said dryly, “I simply felt I wanted company. I hate dining in restaurants alone, and takeout didn’t appeal to me.”
“If I’d had some warning, I could have cooked.” Miki shrugged. “After all, Kozue is out this evening…” As ever, really. Not that he derived any joy from her steady string of boyfriends. He simply tried to ignore it as best he could.
Juri smiled. “I would hate to have put you out. Besides, it was an entirely spur-of-the-moment affair.”
“It is nice to see you out of the academy,” admitted Miki. “I don’t…there’s something going on there these days. Something I can’t put my finger on.”
“There’s always something unnatural going on there.” Juri didn’t look up to meet his gaze. “But I know what you mean. I feel it too.”
“It’s different now, isn’t it? I mean, before, we felt sort of in control, that we knew what was happening. Now…it’s like we’ve….” Miki shook his head. “I don’t know.”
“Ever since Touga stopped attending the meetings.” Juri looked up at last. There was a look of deep thought on her face. “That’s when it started. When Nanami took over as his proxy – since then, it’s been like we’ve ceased to be relevant and are just going through the motions.” She smiled coldly. “That’s what you’ve been feeling, isn’t it?”
Miki nodded.
Juri laughed softly. “I never thought I would be sorry to see Touga missing.” She paused. “Actually…I’m not, really. I’ve had…” She shook her head. “Forget it.”
Miki noticed the shadow flit across her face for just a moment as she said that. There was definitely something bothering her, something that had caused her to call him out of the blue and invite him to dinner. He wanted to help, but he didn’t know how to broach the subject. Juri was such an intensely private person, and he knew she would take offence at any blunt attempt to ask. He had to tread carefully. For now, he would stick to safe topics.
Juri, for her part, was starting to feel a little better. Miki was such a calming presence, she found. When he was on his own, that was – if Kozue was there, it was anything but. However, she still could not bring herself to completely clear her mind and that would not do. She had to try harder.
“You don’t like him,” said Miki.
“Touga?” Juri shrugged. “I suppose I don’t. Is it that obvious?”
Miki smiled a little. “Let’s just say that you didn’t seem to be terribly upset when either he or Saijonji stopped coming to council affairs.”
Juri smiled back. “You’re being uncharacteristically bold tonight, Miki. Clearly, getting you out of your uniform was a good idea.”
Miki blushed slightly. Juri’s mild flirtations always unsettled him (which he supposed was the point). He never quite knew how to take them.
“Speaking freely,” continued Juri, “no, I don’t like him. He toys with people far too much for my comfort, and his debauchery casts an unfavorable light on the rest of the council.” She raised her eyebrow. “Not, of course, that anyone seems to notice or care. We do seem to have uncommon powers in Ohtori.”
“Some of us,” said Miki. “I doubt I have very much at all, and his position didn’t help Saionji much when he was expelled. If it hadn’t been for the president, he would still be gone.”
“Mmm.” Juri sipped her drink reflectively. A shadow flitted across her features. “But I didn’t ask you here tonight to talk about council affairs or the power structure at Ohtori.”
“The uniform request was slightly odd, if I may say so,” ventured Miki.
“Maybe…” Juri felt a slight twinge in her voice as she spoke and worked to correct it. “Maybe I just felt I needed a break from the council, from Ohtori, from all that for a while.”
Miki noticed the catch. It was something to do with Ohtori, he was sure of it. It was beginning to come together now. Juri was depressed over some event that had happened there. It wasn’t student council business – after all, there was only him, Juri and Nanami on it now. He hadn’t upset her, and Nanami only mildly irritated her sometimes. That ruled that out. It was shaping together in his head now.
Their meal arrived, and they ate in silence. Not an uncomfortable silence, but the sort of companionable silence that good friends enjoy. Juri was glad for it. Miki’s presence might be calming, but talk of the student council just reminded her of Ohtori, and that was precisely what she was trying not to think about.
After they had finished eating, Miki set his cutlery down. “That was excellent,” he said. “Thank for inviting me.”
“You’re welcome,” said Juri with a small smile. “I know you’re a good cook, but it does a person good to get out once in a while.” Or forever, she thought sadly. Except that no-one really got out forever, did they? Even people you thought had gone always came back – just when you’d achieved some sort of contentment.
“Juri-sempai?” Juri looked up – she hadn’t realized that her gaze had fallen. It must have, though. Miki was looking at her, an undisguised look of worry on his face. Silently, she cursed her own lack of self-control. Normally she wouldn’t have made such a stupid error. “Are you…is something wrong?”
“Everything is fine,” she said in the calmest tone she could muster. She gave what she hoped was a dazzling smile, trying to sooth his fears.
“Juri-sempai…I hope you don’t think me forward or rude, but you haven’t seemed like yourself this evening.” Miki was nervous, trying not to stammer. Juri was not the cruel ice queen that some mischaracterized her as, but she had a fierce temper when riled. It didn’t happen very often, but he had seen the results. She might consider him a friend, but he was still prying.
“The…” Juri paused, trying to find an excuse to fit her mood (which must have been more obvious than she realized). “The whole business with the council is pressing hard on my mind. Plus work for school. It’s a lot to deal with.”
Miki did not believe her. The pause – very unusual for someone who always knows what they are going to say – was a giveaway. “If there’s anything I can do…”
Juri looked into his eyes as he said that. He was looking straight at her and there was a look in his eyes that was saying Please tell me. I can help you. For someone as shy and unassuming as Miki, that was quite an achievement, particularly with someone who cultivated as cold an image as Juri.
It was a measure of how much he did care for her, and it touched her. For a moment, she considered telling him, talking to him and seeing if that would help.
But only for a moment.
“Miki,” she said softly, “your concern is very sweet, if a touch misguided. I’m fine, really. Have you ever known me not to be?”
“I…” Miki finally shook his head. “No.”
Juri smiled, a warm smile that she hoped would soothe Miki, even if she didn’t feel particularly soothing. “If I didn’t know better, I would say that your chivalrous behavior…coupled with a fine dinner…well, I would say that you had designs.”
“Juri-sempai!” Miki blushed again, clearly embarrassed by the mild flirtation. That was the exact reaction Juri had anticipated and wanted. Miki would be too flustered to focus on Juri now.
It didn’t please Juri to manipulate Miki, but she didn’t think she had a choice. It also bothered her that as much as she hated Touga’s manipulations, she didn’t appear to have any compunctions when it suited her. But then, thought Juri sadly, hypocrisy did seem to be a part of her personality. She wiped her mouth elegantly and made a move to stand up. “Thank you for your company,” she said warmly. “I really should be getting home. It’s a school night after all.”
Miki nodded, the blush still having not fully gone away. He paused for moment, then spoke softly. “They way to our homes is quite similar. Perhaps…we can walk some of the way together?” He was a little embarrassed by Juri’s mild flirting, but he felt strongly he should do what he could to help her.
Juri tried not to frown as she heard his proposal. She had wanted to get home and retire to bed. On the other hand, there was still a few hours of the night left, and some company would be nicer than crying in the shower by herself. She smiled and nodded. “Of course.”
The bill came and Juri quickly and smoothly picked it up before Miki could. Her reflexes were so honed that she didn’t appears hurried at all.
“Juri-sempai!” protested Miki. “I should…”
“I invited you,” said Juri firmly. “My treat, I insist.”
Miki nodded, and they got their coats and left. It was a cool night and they both put their coats on immediately after leaving the restaurant. The road back to Ohtori led down by the river and they walked there in companionable silence for a while.
The night was clear and the stars shone brightly above. Juri found herself looking at them as they walked. They were so very beautiful and she found herself wishing that she could be here with…
She caught herself before thinking that. It would not do well to brood about things that were never going to happen. Of course, that was what she spent all of her time doing anyway.
“What are you looking at?” It was Miki.
“The stars,” she said without thinking. “They look so romant…” She cut herself off, realizing what she’d been about to say. Stupid! She really was not operating at her full strength today. She glanced over at Miki, to see if he’d realized what she was about to say, but he showed no signs of having done so. Either that or he was being too polite to say. Either one worked for her.
“I just like looking at the stars,” she said by way of explanation.
After a few more minutes, they entered the Ohtori grounds and came to the fountain in the gardens. Juri found herself giving a small smile as she recognized it as the fountain she came to at night when she couldn’t sleep. She’d forgotten it was on the way home.
The fountain always soothed her mood as well. The running of the water, the cool night air, that always took her mind off things. Except, of course, for that night when Utena Tenjou had joined her and she’d ended up trying to wrestle her ring from her finger. At least, that had been what she’d ended up trying to do. She honestly had no clue what her true intentions had been when she first leaned in.
Utena. Now there was another subject that she had an entire library of thoughts about. However, this night was not the night to think about them either.
Juri walked over and sat on the fountain. Miki paused for a second, and then joined her. She hadn’t really expected him to, but did not really want to send him away. It would be rude, and he would almost certainly think it unusual.
“I like it here,” she said after a moment. “I come here a lot.”
“It’s after curfew,” pointed out Miki, snapping his stopwatch.
Juri looked over at him and smiled. “We’re student council members. Who is going to report us?”
Miki grinned. “And of course, then you would simply arrange for the teacher in question to vanish mysteriously, never to be seen again.”
Juri laughed softly. “Of course.”
Her laugh was a beautiful, musical sound, thought Miki. At least, her real laugh, not the polite one she used in meetings and other official functions. He appeared to be one of the few people that could bring it out of her, and even then it was only a soft, short laugh. He had never heard her laugh properly – a long, full laugh. He wondered what it would sound like.
Her smile was also dazzling. Again, her real smile, not simply a polite perfunctory one. She was an incredibly beautiful woman, even if her beauty did seem a touch icy at times. However, when she smiled, it lit the whole of her face up and put her in a whole other level.
Miki wanted to help her and he knew she was hurting in some way. However, for some reason, he wasn’t thinking particularly clearly right now. His thoughts on Juri were looming large in his mind and he couldn’t seem to shake them.
And then he knew – he knew what was wrong with Juri. At least, he had a fairly good idea – and he knew just how to fix it. Mind you, there was a part of his brain that was yelling that it was a terrible idea, but he didn’t seem to be listening to that part right now.
He looked over at Juri, who was still staring at the stars. The soft running of the fountain was the only sound he could hear. They were utterly and completely alone. “Juri?” he said softly.
She turned her head around to catch his gaze, a quizzical look in her eyes. “Yes?” she said softly.
Miki steeled up all of his courage, leaned forward and softly kissed her on the lips.
To say Juri was surprised would have been the understatement of the century. In fact, for the first time in as long she could remember, Juri was completely at a loss. One moment, Miki was looking into her eyes, the next he was leaning forward and kissing her.
It was a soft kiss, simply pressing his small delicate lips to hers, but it was definitely a romantic one. Miki’s eyes were closed but Juri could not close hers. She was simply too shocked at this turn of events.
Miki’s eyes opened and met hers. Seeing the shocked look on her face, he drew back, breaking the kiss. They looked at each other for a few agonizingly long moments, neither knowing exactly what to say.
Juri broke the silence. “Miki,” she said hesitantly, and then tailed off.
Miki could have kicked himself. What had just done? He had totally misread the situation and now Juri had to be furious at him. He stood up quickly. “I’m sorry, Juri-sempai,” he said, unable to meet her gaze. “I should go…I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to…” Unable to finish his sentence, he decided to do the cowardly thing and make a run for it. Turning quickly, he began to walk quickly back to his house.
Juri’s arm shot out and grabbed his wrist. Her reflexes were excellent, as usual. “Miki,” she said, an odd tone in her voice. “Don’t go, please.”
“I’m…I’m sorry,” he stammered. “I need to go.”
Her grip was like steel, however. She’d always been so much stronger than him. “Miki,” she said sadly. “Sit down. I don’t think I could take if you and I weren’t talking, either.”
Miki turned to look at her and was shocked at the look on her face. Juri looked so sad, so forlorn, that it totally threw him for a loop. He had never seen her so helpless before. It was a look he was more accustomed to seeing on himself, to be honest.
Finally he just nodded and sat back down next to Juri, who let go of his hand.
They sat in silence for a few minutes until Juri spoke. “You kissed me.” However, she didn’t sound angry, just confused. “Why did you do that?”
“I thought it would help.” Seeing Juri’s confused look, he continued: “You, that is. I thought it would help you.”
“Me? But…”
Miki continued before he lost his nerve. Juri’s inquiring gaze was already unsettling him. “You haven’t been yourself all day. Normally, you’re so cool and collected, but today…today you’ve seemed distracted. Everyone else in the team thought you were just in a bad mood. Nanami thought…well, it doesn’t matter what Nanami thought…”
“You were talking about me behind my back with Nanami?” Now anger was beginning to seep into Juri’s tone. She didn’t like being the topic of everyone’s curiosity.
“I’m sorry!” said Miki. “I was just worried about you. You’re just so…guarded all the time. When something’s wrong, I can never tell what it is. I just wanted to help.”
Despite her annoyance, Juri was touched by Miki’s words. She smiled. “As I said before, your concern is very sweet.” She paused. “Guarded? Yes, I suppose I am.” She sighed. “All right, let’s not be so guarded for a few minutes – neither of us – and let’s get this sorted out. Tell me what you think is wrong, please?”
Miki looked into her eyes. She wasn’t trying to hide her feelings anymore and he could see the deep sadness in her eyes. He took a deep breath. “It’s a romantic problem, isn’t it?”
Juri’s eyes went wide. “What makes you say that?”
“Little things,” said Miki cautiously. “Things you’ve said tonight. Even the invitation – I could tell that there was something behind it. I knew it wasn’t council problems. You were this way at the meeting today and nothing out of the ordinary happened. Plus, the only people that attend are Nanami and I, and neither of us have hurt you as far as I can tell.”
“No,” said Juri softly. “No, you haven’t.”
“Touga…” Miki paused, seeing Juri’s face frown at the mention of the name. “He said once that you sought the power to revolutionize the world to attain your own miracle. He also said once that you had been…in love, and it had not been happy for you.”
“Damn him,” said Juri quietly, her face dropping.
“Then tonight, we were talking, and you were looking at the stars and you were going to say something about it being romantic…”
“I didn’t think you had heard me.”
“And when you said it, you sounded…so sad.” Miki finished then looked at Juri, whose face was still down, shadows hiding her eyes. “I thought it must be…a romantic relationship gone wrong. I’m sorry, Juri-sempai, I really didn’t mean to bring up harsh memories.”
“You always were so smart,” said Juri, head still bowed, eyes still hidden. “You’re right, you know. But what does this have to do with you kissing me?”
Miki blushed furiously. “I…I’m sorry,” he stammered. “Please forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive. I’m just curious.”
“I…” Miki was sweating now. “I was just thinking…you were smiling and laughing, and you always look so beautiful when you do that – not that you’re not beautiful normally, and I was just thinking how stupid anyone could be to hurt you, especially if they were involved with you. Anyone who had that would be stupid to lose it, and…” He realized he was babbling and sweating heavily and he paused to catch his breath.
Juri was now looking straight at Miki, deeply confused. Did Miki have a crush on her? She’d never thought their relationship was anything more than platonic, nor had she given any indications that she thought of him in any other way.
Unless, of course, he had misread her occasional mild flirtations. She had always thought, though, that it had been obvious that they were only teasing. She decided to bite the bullet and ask Miki directly.
“No!” he said quickly. “I mean, maybe I did when we first met. I mean, how could I not? You’re so beautiful and elegant – I think most boys my age probably have a crush on you.”
“Oh, Miki,” said Juri, a small smile on her face, “now you’re just flattering me.”
Miki blushed again. “But once I got to know you, we became friends, and then it sort of went away. It was so much better being your friend. You’re probably my best friend at Ohtori, Juri-sempai.”
Juri smiled – one of her sincere warm smiles that made her face light up.
“I wasn’t thinking clearly,” admitted Miki. “I don’t know what I was thinking, really. I was just thinking how beautiful you looked and how sad you looked and what I could to comfort you…” He shook his head. “It doesn’t make much sense now. I’m sorry – I don’t usually act so impulsively.”
“Everyone’s allowed to do strange things sometimes,” said Juri, still with a small smile. She looked at Miki, made a snap decision, and stood up. “Come on.”
Miki stood. “Where?”
“My rooms.”
Miki blushed furiously. “Juri-sempai!”
Juri laughed. “Don’t get any ideas, Miki. I’m just going to talk to you. Something I probably should have done a while ago.” She grinned. “Besides, don’t you want to know who your competition is?”
Miki kept blushing, but smiled. “You’re teasing me. Isn’t this against school policy?”
Juri nodded. “However, as I said before, Ohtori policy doesn’t seem to apply to council members. Come on.”
They arrived back at Juri’s rooms in a few minutes. Miki was a little concerned about the time – Kozue would be back by now, and would almost certainly be wondering where he was. However, it would not do Kozue any harm to wonder where he was for a change.
He removed his coat and shoes as Juri did the same, and they both walked into the living room.
“Take a seat.” Juri indicated the sofa. “Would you like some tea? I’m about to make some.”
Miki nodded. “Thank you.”
Juri smiled and walked into the kitchen. As she prepared the tea, she wondered if she was doing the right thing. After all, she could trust Miki, couldn’t she? He was supposed to be her best friend. She needed to trust someone again, to let someone else help her. This was a good idea. After the tea was prepared, she took a deep breath, took the two cups and walked back into the living room. She gave one to Miki and sat down on an armchair next to the sofa.
“When I was younger,” she began, deciding to jump straight in. “Just a few years ago – I fell in love. In retrospect, I suppose the feelings had been building for years. I had either just not noticed them, or been actively trying not to notice them.
“The other person and I had been friends for years – since childhood. But one day, when I looked at them, I realized I loved them – and not just as a friend. I was in love, and all I wanted to do was grab them, to kiss them, to tell them how I felt.
“But I couldn’t. I was scared, and so I said nothing, and pretended that we were simply friends. And I was…well, I can’t say that I was happy. But I was content, and I’ve found that I am surprisingly comfortable with simply being content.” Juri’s head sank and she set her tea down. “I’m such a coward, Miki.”
Miki shook his head. “No, you’re not! Everyone looks up to you, Juri-sempai! You’re one of the bravest…”
“No. No, I’m not. When it comes to love, I’m a coward. I could have told…them. I could have told them how I felt, but I was scared, and it ruined everything.” Juri sighed. “You see, they thought there was someone else that I liked…” She paused. “Let’s just say that a lot of people were hurt, and it was because I didn’t have the courage to speak up, to be honest about how I felt…about who I was.”
“What happened?” asked Miki softly.
“They left. In all the fallout, they transferred away, and it broke my heart.” Juri’s voice cracked on the last part. “I didn’t think I would ever get over it, and I took their picture and I put it in my locket. That way, I could always look at it and remind myself of what I had lost, about how they would never be mine. Torturing myself for my weakness.”
“The locket you always wear?” Miki’s face was a mask of concern and worry.
Juri simply nodded and reached around her neck, finding the thin gold chain and pulling the locket out from under her clothes. Steeling herself, she unclasped it and took it off. Then she reached over and handed it to Miki.
“There,” she said softly. “Now you know everything.”
“Juri…” Miki looked at it for a moment. “You don’t have to…” Seeing Juri’s expression, he looked down at the locket and opened it. Inside, much to his surprise, was a small black and white picture of a slight, pretty girl, her face partially turned away from the camera.
Miki’s eyes went wide. “You’re…”
”A lesbian,” said Juri quietly. “It’s okay, Miki. You can say it out loud. It took me long enough to.”
Miki looked down at the locket picture again. “I know her,” he said finally. “She just transferred back to the academy recently, didn’t she?”
“Shiori Takatsuki,” murmured Juri. “Yes. Only a few weeks ago.”
“Oh, Juri-sempai, I’m so sorry. This must be terrible for you! Why didn’t you tell me sooner? You’ve been going through this all by yourself.”
“As you said, I’m a very guarded person, Miki. It isn’t easy for me to open up to anyone. Much less about something as delicate as sexuality.” She looked up at him and smiled. “You don’t seem particularly surprised, though.”
“Well,” said Miki carefully. “There have been rumors, occasionally.”
“I know,” said Juri wryly. “I hear all the rumors, remember?”
“And more than a few people have noticed that you’ve never had a boyfriend or even been on many dates.” Miki shrugged. “Although most boys are scared to approach you.”
“Which is a situation that suits me perfectly.”
“Juri-sempai?” Miki cleared his throat. “The…situation with you and Shiori…what happened?”
Juri looked away. “As I said, I fell in love with her. But I was scared to tell her. What if she rejected me? What if she had told the entire school? I was a different person back then, Miki. I couldn’t have handled that.
“So I said nothing. But Shiori could tell that something had changed between us. There was a boy who liked me. Shiori thought I liked him too – and I did, as a friend. But nothing as anything else. She seduced him, thinking it would hurt me – telling him that I was in love with another, and would never love him. Which was true, although she didn’t know that.
“She was right, you know. It did hurt me, watching the two of them together – knowing that it was all for the sole purpose of hurting me. It tore me apart, and it didn’t stop when they both transferred. It didn’t even stop when I found out they had split, because then in my mind I saw Shiori with other boys, doing the same things, imagining that she was doing it again just to hurt me. How egotistical am I? And all the time, I’m sitting with her picture in my locket, wishing she could be mine. Knowing that she never would be.”
Juri closed her eyes. “Today was the anniversary of when we met, all those years ago. Normally, I would be okay with it, but now that she’s transferred back, now that she’s so close…I’m weak and scared, Miki. I was too scared and weak to tell her how I felt, and now I’m too scared and weak to move on. I just can’t…” She realized tears were falling down her face and she placed her head in her hands and cried silently for a few minutes.
Miki sat on the sofa and watched as Juri softly wept into her hands. He had never seen such a display of emotion from her before, nor had he ever seen her cry before. But now he realized that she probably did a lot, when she was alone in her rooms – as he did, when Kozue wasn’t there and he felt he could be weak and break down, crying about his failed relationship with his sister, about his uncaring parents, and the harsh, cruel truths of the world that he saw at Ohtori and outside. About how he wished he could return to a simpler time, a time when everyone loved him and he loved everything, and the world seemed so bright and full of hope.
Juri finished crying, and wiped her eyes, looking back up at Miki. Strangely, she saw that his eyes were brimming with tears, too. “Miki?” she said softly. “Are you all right?”
“We can’t, can we?” he said softly. “Go back to simpler times?”
“I don’t think so,” said Juri sadly. “I used to think that I could, that I could turn back time and return to the time when Shiori and I were together, were friends. But as you grow older, you realize you can’t.” She shrugged. “You have to move forward – I know that. I just can’t let her go, can’t let the image I have of her in my locket go. Not yet.”
“Why did she do it?”
“I don’t know. She misread my actions, maybe. Thought I was going to hurt her and moved to do so before I did. Or maybe she figured out what I really felt and couldn’t handle it, moving to hurt me to show that we would never be a couple.” Juri sighed. “I don’t think that was it, though. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know how I feel.”
“Who does?”
“You, of course. Ends of the World.”
“This is why you joined the dueling game.”
Juri sighed. “Yes. My exact reasons, though…” She paused. “It’s not important. Touga knows, though who knows how. He knows everything, somehow. Himemiya knows too.”
“The Rose Bride?”
Juri nodded. “Again, don’t ask me how. I don’t understand her, and I don’t care to. But she knows. You, though, are the first person I’ve ever told.”
“I’m honored,” said Miki honestly.
Juri smiled, lighting up her face again, despite her red-rimmed eyes. “I should have told you long ago. Dear, sweet Miki. How did you ever end up here at Ohtori?”
Miki flushed again. “You’re embarrassing me.”
“I mean it. You’re one of the few people here I feel I can trust. Most of the rest of the council I wouldn’t leave my back exposed to.”
“Juri-sempai,” said Miki warmly. “You’ve helped me more than I’ve helped you. I don’t know how I would have managed everything if it wasn’t for your friendship.”
“You’re stronger than you realize, Miki.”
“Not as strong as you, despite what you might currently be thinking.” Miki smiled. “At least now I know why you ‘rejected’ me. I’m not exactly your type.”
Juri laughed softly. “True. Although, from rumors, it would seem that you’re quite popular amongst your female classmates – and now I’ve seen that you’re quite the kisser. Have you been practicing?”
“Are you trying to make me die of embarrassment, Juri-sempai?” asked Miki in a bashful tone.
“I’m just teasing, you know that.”
“I don’t really have any experience with that sort of thing,” said Miki uncomfortably. “Besides, we don’t really have time for that, right now.”
“If you say so.”
“Juri-sempai?” Miki looked up to catch her eye. “What…what are you going to do about Shiori?”
Juri sighed heavily, resting her chin on her hand. “I don’t know. My original plan was to try to put it all out of my mind, to finally break free of stupid obsession.” She held up her locket again. “You see how well that turned out.” She paused for a moment. “I don’t know. Things have a way of building to a head in Ohtori, even without any influence from people.”
”They certainly do.”
“Something will happen,” said Juri distantly. “I suppose I shall just see what happens. Being near her makes me too sad these days. I…want to reconcile with her. Even if we can’t be…together, I would hope that we can be friends, but the way I feel right now, I don’t believe that’s possible. Maybe one day, after we both move past what’s holding us back.” Her voice dropped to a sad whisper. “But not yet.”
“If I can speak candidly…”
“Go right ahead. Tonight is a night for it, it seems.”
Miki smiled. “Juri-sempai, you’re beautiful, intelligent, elegant…almost perfect.”
Juri smiled. “I think we both know that isn’t quite true. But thank you.”
“Shiori seems…well, I don’t think she deserves you!” Juri raised an eyebrow at Miki’s tone. “You deserve so much better…you deserve to be happy!”
“Miki.” Juri’s tone was slightly chiding. “I know it doesn’t make sense, but I can’t stop loving her. I…just can’t.”
“There has to be plenty of boys…I mean…girls at Ohtori who would be honored to be with you. There must be other girls you find attractive?”
Juri smiled slightly. “Well…there is…no, never mind.”
“What is it?”
“You’ll laugh.”
“I promise I won’t.”
Juri glanced up at the ceiling briefly. “Utena Tenjou,” she said finally.
“Oh,” said Miki, fiddling with his collar nervously. “You also?”
Juri looked at him, a smile on her face. “Miki! You surprise me.” She glanced out of the window, an odd look in her eyes. “Still, she is quite something, isn’t she?”
“I’ve never quite met anyone like her, that’s certain.”
“She’s beautiful, kind, brave…” Juri sighed. “That sort of thing can turn a girl’s head. If only she wasn’t so damned trusting and naïve…”
“Or a boy’s,” said Miki with a smile. Then his smile fell slightly. “You have heard the rumors..?”
“About Utena and the Rose Bride? Miki, I hear all the rumors, remember?” Juri shrugged. “I don’t know if it’s true. If it is, she doesn’t have very good taste in women.” Seeing the look on Miki’s face, Juri’s face fell. “Oh, Miki – I’m sorry.”
“I know you don’t like her,” said Miki with a shrug. “But you’ve never quite explained why.”
“Personal reasons,” said Juri evasively.
“Didn’t you win her once..?”
“I’m sorry, Miki,” said Juri firmly. “We may be being candid at the moment, but that’s something I don’t want to talk about tonight.”
“I’m sorry,” said Miki apologetically. The air grew tense for a moment.
Juri broke the tension. “Speaking of Himemiya, does the fact that you are appreciating Tenjou more mean that your crush is gone?” she asked with a small grin.
“I like her, yes,” said Miki uncertainly. “But I think I was looking at her as more of symbol than as a person. I think it’s mostly gone.”
“I am a little surprised to hear that you and Nanami have been meeting behind my back,” added Juri. “Is there more that I should know?”
Miki couldn’t quite meet her gaze. “Just council business. Besides, you know that no-one would ever live up to her big brother in her eyes.”
“She likes you, even if she tries to hide it. I can see it when she talks to you.” Juri smiled again. “Never mind, I think I’ve teased you quite enough for one night.” She glanced over at the clock on the wall. “Goodness. I hadn’t realized it was so late.”
Miki did the same. “The day’s almost over.” Kozue would no doubt be very confused by this point. It wouldn’t hurt for her to be on that end for a change.
“It’s a school day tomorrow,” said Juri unhappily. “I think we’ll both regret the late night in the morning.” She looked over at him. “But I don’t think I’ll regret anything else about tonight,” she added warmly. “Thank you, Miki.”
“I just listened,” said Miki, a little embarrassed by her tone.
“Sometimes that’s all people need.” Juri stood up. “But we should really get to bed now. Hopefully no-one will see you leave - the last thing Ohtori needs is more rumors.”
“I agree.” Miki rose from the sofa and walked over to the door. “I’ll see you at the meeting tomorrow?”
“Of course.” Juri walked over to join him. “Miki?”
“Yes?”
Juri leaned down and kissed him lightly on the cheek. She pulled back to see the surprised look on his face. “What would we do without each other, Miki?”
“I don’t know what I would do without you,” said Miki. “You keep me sane, Juri-sempai.”
“And you do the same to me.” Juri and Miki looked at each other for a moment, and then hugged briefly. They separated, and Juri opened the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Good night, Juri-sempai,” said Miki with a small smile, and left. Juri watched him go for a few minutes, and then closed the door. She walked back over to her chair and sat down.
It had been quite a night. Miki had seen more of her true self than perhaps anyone had for a long time, and yet she felt a lot better about everything now. Nothing had changed from the day before, and nothing was likely to change, but now she felt a little less alone.
By force of habit, she reached in and pulled out her locket, opening it to the picture of Shiori inside. “Oh, Shiori,” she whispered. Closing it again, she placed it under her clothes and stood up, starting to walk to the bedroom.
Perhaps Shiori would never love her. Perhaps there really were no such things as miracles. Perhaps she was simply not destined to have any of the things she really wanted. Juri did not know.
However, at least she did know that there were good people in the world. People she could trust. Miki was one of those people and she was glad to know him. Tenjou might be one too. People she could trust, people who could be there for her when she felt weak, or who she could be there for when she was strong.
Juri smiled sadly to herself and walked into her bedroom.
The End.
Author’s Notes:
Just a short little piece there to answer one of the questions I’ve always had about the series, namely – when did Miki find out about Shiori and Juri? He doesn’t appear to know when Shiori returns to the school. However, at the tennis game near the end of the series, Juri and Utena talk about both Juri’s feelings for Shiori and the locket, while Miki is there. He seems to already know, which means he and Juri must have talked about it.
Plus, I’ve always liked Juri and Miki together – not as a couple, of course – but it’s obvious over the course of the series that they truly care for each other and are close, which is unusual for the Student Council.
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